To Forget My Love
by Scented Candles
Summary: Weiß has disbanded after Yohji disappears and Aya is a famous fashion model blaming him self for Yohji’s disappearance. He’s changed his name and his lifestyle but when Aya sees a man who looks undeniably like Yohji his past comes back to haunt him
1. Default Chapter

To Forget My Love 

Disclaimer: Weiss and all the characters connected to the anime mentioned in this fic are not mine. 

**A/N: **This is yaoi meaning boy x boy love I've chosen to write my first yaoi fic and feature my favorite pairing Aya x Yohji because I love them both. *Squeals and faints* Lemon in later chapters probably…*drools*

**Premise: **Weiß has disbanded after Yohji disappears and Aya is a famous fashion model blaming him self for Yohji's disappearance. He's changed his name and his lifestyle but when Aya sees a man who looks undeniably like Yohji his past comes back to haunt him…

Shinkou Murasaki – Ran's 'screen name', he is known by the fashion world by this name and only Aya-chan, Omi Ken and those who knew him from before know his real name.

Suiran Hisuiiro – Yohji's new identity. Since he forgot who he was, he was named this by his new 'family'. 'Ran' is sometimes used as his nickname. Please tell me if it's confusing and I'll try to revise it…

Chapter One: Musings 

          He chose to go to one of those small street side cafés that Paris was so famous for. He got a table outside on the sidewalk. The table was white with a glass top and the metal chairs were white as well with a cushion. There was an umbrella over the table to prevent too much sun exposure, which could be unpleasant or in case rain fell. 

          The man was tall but not startlingly so amongst these Western and European men. Although with his coloring he fit right in, there was something in him that made him exotic here. It was, maybe his black turtleneck and black jeans that sculpted his slender yet muscular body and highlighted the paleness of his skin and accentuated the deep crimson of his long hair tied back in a fiery ponytail. Perhaps it was something in him that made his Asian lineage known. Perhaps it was the tilt of his eyes at the corners or the way his face was shaped and contoured; softly and gently not the hard edges and angles the men here had. His was an androgynous face not ruggedly handsome but undeniably beautiful.

          The waitress smiled and asked him what he would have and he spoke in a flawless French with only the slightest hint of an accent. Gigi smiled, "You speak wonderful French. You do not butcher out beautiful language like so many others. Have you been here long?" she inquired hoping he would answer. She wanted to get to know this beautiful creature and she hoped he, like so many others of the café's patrons, would find her beautiful. 

"No, hardly a month."

"Oh but your French is flawless."

A small smile was all she got and his order of a cup of coffee and a croissant.

"Very well, I will get them for you." She said smiling but she had lost her flirtatious air replaced with a disappointed one. Alas, he seemed unaware of her good looks but Gigi was a girl who bounced back rather quickly and moved on. He was a beautiful creature and beautiful creatures deserved to be with people like them and although she was pretty, she was not beautiful. Not in the way that man outside was.

          When Gigi returned from inside and placed his orders, she noticed that he was reading a book. She couldn't see the title but he seemed to be very engrossed in whatever it was he was reading. "Monsieur your order," she said trying to get his attention and perhaps look her fill one last time. He had dispensed of his dark glasses and she wondered what color his eyes would be. His gaze transferred from the book in his hand to her face and Gigi almost gasped at the color of his eyes,

Amethyst.

"Merci, thank you." 

~*~

He was getting a headache. 

He clutched his head and a moan of pain escaped his soft lips.

"Ran? Suiran, daijoubu?" Yue asked a slender hand placed on his shoulder.

"Hai…" he said massaging his temples. "It's one of those annoying migraines with images again.

Yue froze and his gray eyes glazed over, "Have you remembered?"

Suiran gave a sarcastic smile his green eyes sparkling, "No. That would be too easy wouldn't it? Just the same flashes of color. It was like I was in a garden. It was filled with flowers and noises like squealing." He rested his head on Yue's shoulder and sighed as the headache receded.

Yue stroked his long blonde hair to comfort him. Suiran gave a sigh of gratitude and burrowed his face closer to the crook of the other man's neck. In the three years he's been with them, Suiran's shoulder length hair had grown considerably and it was gorgeous, the man was gorgeous. His eyes caught the magazine on the floor. "What's that?" he asked.

Suiran straightened and turned and saw the magazine. "Oh, your sister asked me to pick it up while I went out for some errands."

As much as Yue did not want to, he needed to say it. "Suiran you know that the doctor said that your headaches are brought on by returning memories."

"They're not exactly what you would call memories Yue, more like flashes. Irritating ones."

"Hn. In any case, they are triggered by familiarity. Maybe you saw something in the magazine that reminded you of your past. It could hold the key to you remembering."

Suiran ran a hand through his long blonde hair his eyes blank. "I'm not sure I want to remember any more. What's the point? No one in my past life seems to have cared for me," he said moving away from Yue's embrace and towards the window overlooking the expanse of the gardens down below. "No one looked for me when I disappeared."

Yue watched him and sighed. He couldn't refute that fact. He bent to pick up the magazine and his eyes caught the face on the cover. 

It was Shinkou Murasaki.  

Again.

~*~

"Suiran."

He turned and smiled slightly at Yue's approaching form.

"Whatever your past is, I won't care." Yue promised his arms encircling Suiran from behind. 

Ran tilted his head back to rest on Yue's shoulders. "I wonder how horrible my life was like before I woke up with you…beaten and bloodied…" he closed his eyes remembering how disoriented he had felt and how horrified he had been when he realized the extent of damage done to his body. "I must've looked ghastly to you."

"Never." Yue said. "Do you know why I suggested we call you Suiran when you couldn't remember your name?"

Ran shook his head.

"Your eyes were green and when I looked into them, I felt it. Suiran, the feeling of being engulfed in a green mountainous atmosphere."

"It felt right somehow. Ran is a familiar name to me."

"That's the first step. Perhaps Ran _is _your real name neh?" Yue stroked his hair, "We won't disappear just because your past returns and even if you are right and no one cared for you before, you have us now. Saemi and myself."

Suiran nodded feeling better.

"Do you feel up to going to the opera later on? One of my friends is hosting a party and I would like for you to come with me."

Suiran nodded.

"Good." Yue bent down and Suiran closed his eyes to receive the kiss. His eyes opened and a chagrined expression shaped his face when Yue's kissed him not on the lips but on the forehead like a little child.

He frowned.

"See you tonight then." Yue said smiling slightly as he left Suiran alone in the room once more.

~*~

"Shinkou!"

The man raised his head and frowned as a beautifully made up woman approached him. She had long flowing black hair and verdant green eyes.

"Mia."

"I've been looking for you! You disappeared after the shoot."

"I didn't see any need to stay."

Mia smiled and sat down across from him uninvited, she was used to the redhead's cold attitude and didn't let it deter her. "Well if you had stayed you would have received the call from your sister."

"Aya-chan called?"

"Yes darling, do you have any other sister? The little sweetheart and I had a talk."

"Hn."

"Do you have any plans for tonight darling?"

"No and I don't plan to."

"Come with me to the Opera. There's an after party that a Japanese businessman is hosting. The band Indefinitely is going to be there. Aya-chan likes their lead singer doesn't she?"

"You know she does." 

"Well Shinkou, accompany me to the opera and let's go to the after party together so you could meet the band and ask for an autograph for Aya-chan. She'll like that and you know you'll like the opera what with all the classical music you listen to."

"Hn."

"Don't be such a wart."

Red eyebrows rose. "Fine."

Mia smiled. "Wonderful. See you later darling." She stood up, bent and planted a kiss on his right cheek.****

~*~****

**Chapter Two: Recriminations**

**Three Years Ago**

"Aya…I need to talk to you."

"What is it?"

"I was thinking, since your sister is awake already and Persia is giving us time off maybe the three of us could go away somewhere…"

Aya froze in the act of packing his suitcase.

Green eyes sharpened when he saw the open bag. "Why are you packing Aya?"

"I'm leaving."

"For the hospital? Don't you think you should just take Aya-chan back here? She'll enjoy all the flowers…"

"Take her back here? No. Aya-chan doesn't need to know about Weiß, don't be stupid Yohji," Aya gritted out.

Yohji stepped back as if he'd been slapped but he shook it off and smiled a lazy smile. "It was just a thought. So where are you staying?"

"I don't know yet."

Silence permeated the room after this statement. Only the sound of Aya's padding feet as he went back to his dressed for more clothes could be heard.

Yohji decided he needed a cigarette. His hands were shaking. _Shit…_

"So how long will you be gone?"

"I don't know."

"Well…can you at least tell me _something_?"

"What do you want Yohji?" Aya stopped and stopped and stood in front of him arms crossed. He looked cold and unreachable and Yohji's heart began to pound.

"Aya…I love you…I thought…"

"I'm not Aya. My name is Ran…the Aya you knew is dead now. I don't need him anymore."

I don't need you anymore… 

Yohji swallowed audibly. "Ran, so you're leaving Weiß huh? When do you think you'll be back?"

"I'm quitting. I have no need for the organization any more."

"So you're just up and going?" Yohji demanded. He was starting to bleed inside but he tried to hold off, tried to hope. Aya and he had shared a lot together…they'd been lovers and teammates and friends. A love like theirs couldn't possibly…

"Yes. There's nothing here for me anymore."

And Yohji realized that although he'd told Aya he loved him countless of times in the past Aya had never even once uttered those words to him.

Not once.

_There's nothing here for me anymore._

"What about me Aya?" Yohji asked brokenly.

"What about you?"

"Yohji-kun?"

"Yes Omiitchi?"

"Daijoubu?"

"Hai."

"Then why are you crying Yohji-kun?"

Yohji raised his hand and touched his cheek. It was wet with his tears. He hadn't even realized he was crying. 

Was it so hard to ask for love? Was he such a masochist that he inevitably chose to love those people who would never reciprocate his love or would leave him? 

Every fucking time that he thought love had given him a boon fate would turn around and kick him right in the ass.

_What about you?_ Aya had asked his voice cold and mocking, his eyes blank.

"Yohji-kun!" Omi yelped panicked when he saw Yohji's shoulder shake with silent sobs. "Yohji-kun! Daijoubu? What's wrong? Yohji-kun!"

Yohji didn't hear him. He was too lost in his memories and the pain that was slowly eating away at his mind, his body and his soul.

Asuka…

Aya…

When was he ever going to learn?

~*~

Present Day 

Later that Evening 

"See? The opera wasn't so bad was is darling?" Mia asked looking up at her handsome date. She was well aware that they were getting looks the two of them. She with her pale skin and dark black hair down her waist and his with his long red hair pulled back in a low ponytail and those amethyst eyes of his. He looked dashing in his black tuxedo, gorgeous. 

"Hn." 

"Oh come on Shinkou don't tell me you didn't enjoy it! You were practically drooling with appreciation."

"Hn."

Mia let out a breathy laugh and hooked her arm around his. "Now for the after party. I just heard the most amazing news from the lady in the little girl's room." Mia looked at Shinkou and was not surprised to see not a single shred of interest in his face. "Anyway it seems that Yue Kirisawa is going to be at the little party. You know Yue don't you?"

"The talented concert pianist."

"Among other things." Mia said smiling. "I remember I got you a record of his compositions last year and you liked it didn't you?"

"I pretended to, yes."

Mia lifted an eyebrow. "Liar, you liked it."

"Yes I did," he conceded nodding. "He's very good."

"And people say very eccentric. He hardly goes out to parties and the only reason he's attending is…Murasaki!" she growled when Shinkou yanked his hand away and began running through the crowd. "Honestly that man is trying my patience!"

~*~

He had to…

He had to see who it was.

He wove through the throng of well-dressed people shoving some aside none too gently in his haste  

It couldn't be but that wavy blonde hair was so familiar and so was the golden toned skin…and the face.

It couldn't be but he was so sure that it was.

His heart was pounding as he caught sight of the blonde tresses now longer but still undeniably like _his_…like…

Yohji's…

A/N: That's it for now! Please tell me if I should continue this fiction or just let it dwindle and die? Sorry if it sucks but this is my first yaoi fan fic so please be gentle, neh? And review!!!!


	2. Realizations

To Forget My Love 

Disclaimer: Weiss and all the characters connected to the anime mentioned in this fic are not mine. 

**A/N: **This is yaoi meaning boy x boy love I've chosen to write my first yaoi fic and feature my favorite pairing Aya x Yohji because I love them both. *Squeals and faints*

**Premise: **Weiß has disbanded after Yohji disappears and Aya is a famous fashion model blaming him self for Yohji's disappearance. He's changed his name and his lifestyle but when Aya sees a man who looks undeniably like Yohji his past comes back to haunt him…

**Shinkou Murasaki** – Ran's 'screen name', he is known by the fashion world by this name and only Aya-chan, Omi Ken and those who knew him from before know his real name. Shinkou is now his new identity because being a public figure and all he couldn't very call himself 'Ran Fujimiya'. All sorts of questions would be raised.

**Suiran Hisuiiro** – Yohji's new identity. Since he forgot who he was, he was named this by his new 'family'. 'Ran' is sometimes used as his nickname. Please tell me if it's confusing and I'll try to revise it…

**P.S: **By the way, to everyone who reviewed and encouraged me, I love you all! *Dispenses Aya hugging Yohji pictures* and to those who are wondering how Yohji lost his memory *cackles evilly* all will be revealed in due time…don't worry. J 

Chapter Three: Realizations

"Are you sure you're feeling all right?"

"Yes." Suiran said smiling at her reassuringly.

"Look, I need to go to the bathroom, will you be okay if I leave you here?"

"I think I can manage." Suiran said sarcastically, smiling at her. "I _am_ older than you." 

"You might get another headache again, I worry about you," Saemi said earnestly.

"Don't worry."

"Why don't you just go back to our seats and keep my niichan company?" she suggested impishly wiggling her eyebrows for effect.

Suiran blushed and scowled at her, "Go on to the girl's room. Besides, I bet you just want to get rid of me so you could sneak off and stalk some unsuspecting man," he accused.

Saemi laughed and squeezed his hand before leaving him by the hallway and squeezing through the throng of women similarly bent on taking advantage of the bathroom break before the second act of the opera began.

Suiran rested his head on the wall behind him sighing and trying to ignore the other people milling about in the hallway and trying to get to the bathrooms. He tried to block out the sounds of people talking in different languages. Suiran felt thankful that he'd bothered to learn other languages in the past years he'd stayed with the Kirisawas. He'd been able to master French and German pretty easily and he was starting to get the hang of Latin after the first year. He was moving on to Greek next. 

At first it had been only because he needed something to do to take his mind off the pain of being 'unclaimed' when no one seemed to be looking for him…when no one seemed to even care if he was alive or dead.

Another spike of pain hit him but this time it was in his heart. It was a familiar pain and the debilitating intensity had dulled with time into a bearable ache he could live with, had learned to live with. 

It was like a gaping hole inside of him, he didn't know his past and he had no idea why he seemed to be so… insignificant.

At least I know I have an aptitude for learning foreign languages…at least I know whoever I was before, whatever I was before, I couldn't have been stupid. 

A little self-satisfied smile formed Yohji's lips at this thought but it was quickly wiped away by the incessant throb of his head and flash of smoke curling up from a cigarette bud hitting the pavement appeared before his eyes...he blinked and the image was gone. 

Damn but his head throbbed like a bitch. 

This whole day seemed to be one headache after the other and as much as he knew he should be glad that flashes of returning memories accompanied these headaches, he was annoyed that they hurt so much.

He wasn't even sure if the torture he had to pay for these glimpses of his past was really worth the momentary recollection.

Recollections he couldn't even piece together. 

He didn't know what triggered it but mid-way through the opera his head had pounded as images invaded his mind. Damn but this day was bleeding into one big headache for him. 

Maybe he should be happy that he was getting more images now after three years but he wasn't. He'd settled into his life with Yue and Saemi. 

He didn't want to leave and he was scared. 

The images kept playing in his mind again and again like a broken reel; soft candlelight, a blowing curtain, the image of a city seen through a window and soft pale skin bathed in moonlight. He blinked his eyes trying to dispel the image. His heart was beating so fast and he was beginning to perspire as his emotions whirled around in one jumbled mess inside of him. He didn't know what to feel. Should he pursue the images? Doing so caused him intense headaches and something in him told him not to and yet another part of him screamed for him to try and remember. 

It was important, the image was important.

Shit his head was aching again.

He closed his eyes and settled back against the wall trying to relax. He thought about how good Yue had looked tonight with his light blonde hair and black tuxedo. As always the thought of Yue brought an answering flutter to Suiran's heart and a soft smile drifted unconsciously to his lips. 

A hand clamped almost painfully on his shoulder.                                                                      

"Yohji?"

Emerald eyes opened and stared at the face in front of him with confusion at first before recognition dawned in his eyes, "I know you…" 

~*~

Saemi got out of the bathroom and frowned shaking her head when another woman pushed in past her. Really, you'd think they would be more civilized about this! But then again when nature called, all you can really do was follow. She smiled and made a mental note to share this little insight to her brother and Suiran later on.

Her mouth dropped open however when she caught sight of Suiran…

_Oh my god could it possibly be? _

"Shinkou! Shinkou Murasaki!" 

~*~

(Note: To avoid confusion I would just like to inform you that this part is written more on Ran Fujimiya's POV.) 

Amethyst eyes snapped away from the beloved face he'd longed to see again for so long and transferred to the girl who'd called out his name. She was running towards him, well not running but she was pushing people aside to get to him in her haste.

"Saemi." Yohji said smiling at the girl seemingly unaware of the hand Ran had on his shoulder.

"Ran why didn't you tell me?" the girl asked reaching the two of them.

"What?" Ran asked and looked at Yohji who had said the same word at the same time. He didn't understand it, why was Yohji answering to Ran?

Saemi laughed and gazed at Shinkou Murasaki's handsome face. "I didn't know you knew him Ran."

Ran was beginning to feel confused. He locked his eyes on Yohji to try and determine what the other man was feeling and thinking about all of this.

"I don't. Not personally."

Ran's world shattered and his heart broke at the way Yohji denied him. Everything else faded but the echo of his beloved's negation rang incessantly in his ears.

The petite girl smiled, "My name is Saemi Kirisawa."

"I…I…" amethyst eyes sought out emerald ones. "You said you knew me…" he asked the blonde man questioningly. He hated how his voice sounded, beseeching, confused, weak and broken. 

His heart had soared only moments ago when Yohji had looked at him with recognition in his eyes and none of the hatred he had feared he would see therein when they met again but now…now Yohji was forsaking him. He felt like crying but his pride kept him alive, his pride and something else. Something here was amiss, he could feel it.

"Yes I do. You're Shinkou Murasaki, the model. Saemi is a big fan of yours." Yohji said smiling down at him. 

Ran stared at Yohji. Could he have made a mistake? Could this man not be his Yohji?

He started to back away feeling dizzy and disoriented when suddenly the blonde man collapsed almost sending him toppling over with the sudden added weight of his lanky body.

"Ran! Suiran! Daijoubu? Oh no! Suiran!" 

Ran barely heard Saemi's voice calling his Yohji 'Ran' or 'Suiran' or whatever name she had dubbed him. He tried to squelch his possessive irritation and concentrate on the man in his arms.

He was certain now. This man he was holding was Yohji.

He felt like Yohji, he looked like Yohji.

The fit of their bodies together…

It was perfect…

Just like before…

"Yohji, Yohji…are you okay?"

Bleary verdant eyes opened, "Who's Yohji?"

Ran stared at the confused and pained face for a moment seemingly frozen. He watched as the blonde man's eyelids fluttered shut and a groan escape from moist parted lips. 

He felt the totally inappropriate urge to lick those lips slowly and run his tongue along the inviting flesh and explore the inside of Yohji's mouth with his tongue. Rediscover the taste of him and the feel of the blonde's tongue twining in his own in a sensual and slow dance. 

The blonde's head slumped down and his forehead rested on Ran's shoulder. Beside his neck, Ran could feel Yohji's labored breathing as he struggled to control the pain he was in. Ran was worried about Yohji but the feel of the blonde's warm breath on his skin distracted him. "Who's Yohji?" he felt more than heard the question.

"You are." Ran whispered raising his hand to grasp Yohji's head and run his hand through his hair.

For some reason Yohji did not seem to recognize him.

His heart was shattered by this realization but it was singing songs of thanks to the Heavens as well. 

Whatever it was he needed to do he would do it just so he could have Yohji back.

It seemed he had been given a second chance.

He smiled and stroked the silken flaxen hair and twined it in his fingers. "You are"

A/N: Hi people. I love all of you who reviewed my fic and since your reviews inspired me, here is the next installment. Please don't flame me! *Grabs Aya and hides behind him* Anyway if any of you people dislike this chapter and want me to change it feel free to say so and please review, it's the only way I'll know if I'm doing this right or majorly screwing up. Suggestions on the story line are also welcome! J

Aya: Sensing some insecurity here? She's just like that, don't mind her.

Scented Candles: (eyes shining with tears) Aya-kun! You hurt Yohji and now you're hurting me too!

Aya: (glares) That was a _low__ blow!_

Scented Candles: (backs away) Gomen…Gooooomeeeeen! (Hides behind Yohji)

Yohji: (massaging temple) My head aches.


	3. Truths

To Forget My Love 

Disclaimer: Weiss and all the characters connected to the anime mentioned in this fic are not mine. 

**A/N: **This is yaoi meaning boy x boy love I've chosen to write my first yaoi fic and feature my favorite pairing Aya x Yohji because I love them both. *Squeals and faints*

**Premise: **Weiß has disbanded after Yohji disappears and Aya is a famous fashion model blaming him self for Yohji's disappearance. He's changed his name and his lifestyle but when Aya sees a man who looks undeniably like Yohji his past comes back to haunt him…

**Shinkou Murasaki** – Ran's 'screen name', he is known by the fashion world by this name and only Aya-chan, Omi Ken and those who knew him from before know his real name. Shinkou is now his new identity because being a public figure and all he couldn't very call himself 'Ran Fujimiya'. All sorts of questions would be raised.

**Suiran Hisuiiro** – Yohji's new identity. Since he forgot who he was, he was named this by his new 'family'. 'Ran' is sometimes used as his nickname. Please tell me if it's confusing and I'll try to revise it…

Chapter Four: Truths 

Yue tapped his fingers on the armrest idly. He glanced at the empty seats beside him at the private box he had in the theater. The Kirisawas were an old, affluent Japanese family but their wealth was not solely distributed in the mainland. His ancestors had been one of the fore founders of Japan's 'economic revolution'. They had invested in companies outside Japan and associated with foreigners or the so-called 'foreign devils'. A wry smile twisted his lips at the thought. He was glad his great-grandparents and so forth had had enough foresight to associate with the outside world. He enjoyed learning about different cultures and associating with people who had different views. He loved the insight and knowledge it provided him and there were times that he drew to his association and friendships with people from other lands as inspirations for his songs and music.  

Looking at him it was obvious that Yue came from money. His tuxedo was tailor made to fit him perfectly. It was noticeably made from the finest materials available. He was classically handsome in the way all well-bred people seem to be. His blonde hair cut to perfection with wayward strands falling rather sexily over gray eyes framed with long dark lashes. His face was perfectly symmetrical his features impeccably made. He had attracted his fair share of admirers when he, Suiran and Saemi had ventured outside. 

Although he was beautiful in his own right, what drew most people's eyes to Yue was the air of regal aloofness about him. It was like he didn't belong in this era but in the last one when chivalry was expected and so was reserve. He was a quiet man but an aura of repressed strength surrounded him. 

Although a famous public figure, no one really knew much about Yue Kirisawa except that he was a talented and eccentric concert pianist. He had several CD's of music out all of them hitting #1 in charts their first week of release. He was handsome, talented and aloof. It was very rare to catch him at parties and galas that the other affluent people frequented. He mostly spent his time either in his home in the city or in one of the country houses his family owned. He liked to travel around the world as well but considered Japan his favorite country and his home. 

Yue gazed down at the people milling below on the parterre his gray eyes watching the action. He was unaware of the buzz his presence was creating. Even here outside of Japan he was very well known. He was very talented and talent like his was applauded worldwide. 

He looked at his watch and wondered how long his sister and Suiran was going to be gone. Finally deciding they were taking to much time, he stood up and walked out of his private box. He was going to find out whatever it was that was keeping the two of them. 

The next act was about to begin.

~*~

Saemi watched as Shinkou stroked Suiran's blonde hair.

She didn't like the possessive way he was holding Suiran like he had a right to.

And most of all she didn't like that little smile of his.

_What was he whispering to Suiran?_ He'd spoken too softly for her to hear.

"Suiran, daijoubu?" she asked placing one of her hands on his head and tapped his cheek lightly with the other. 

Green eyes opened slightly and he gave her a small wink as he struggled to gain his bearings.

"Careful." Shinkou said in that deep voice of his. 

"I don't understand."

"What don't you understand?" Shinkou asked at the same time Saemi said, "What is it?"

Suiran moved back slightly and touched Saemi's shoulder. She hooked her arm around his waist.

Shinkou's eyebrows narrowed as his hands fell to his sides.

"I don't understand you." Suiran said looking at him with narrowing eyes. Shit fucking hell but his head was giving him a real bitching headache. It was like something inside him was cracking open and exploding.

"What don't you understand about me?"

"Why do you keep calling me Yohji? Why do you keep on telling me that I'm him?"

"Because you are him…you're Yohji." Ran said looking at the blonde's confused face. Yohji looked lost and he felt guilty for shaking Yohji's world like this but he couldn't stop himself. How long he'd waited and dreamt of this opportunity to come and now it was here. "You're name is Yohji Kudou…" _And you're mine._

~*~

Emerald eyes bore into amethyst each unblinking. Saemi felt Suiran stiffen in her arms and then start to tremble.

_No…he's Suiran…his name is Suiran…he's not Yohji…you can't…_all these thoughts ran rampant inside Saemi's head as she stared at the face of the man she had long admired and now loathed with all her heart.

How dare he come and disrupt everything this way. Her blue eyes lifted to Suiran's face and she saw that he was still staring transfixed into Shinkou's eyes.

"You're Yohji. Yohji Kudou…I don't know why you don't remember me or anything else but Yohji…" Shinkou started to move towards them but Suiran took quick steps back. Saemi was forced to move with him wincing a little when her arm was dragged by his quick retreat. Still, she did not let him go.

He was trembling.

"No!" he said shaking his head.

Shinkou moved his hand reaching out to touch Suiran but the other man batted it away angrily. "Don't fucking touch me!"

Saemi gaped at Suiran her mouth dropping open in surprise. Whatever reaction she had been expecting, it definitely wasn't this.

A pained look crossed Shinkou's face as he withdrew his hand. "Yohji…" 

"No! My name is Suiran Hisuiiro! I'm Suiran, not Yohji. Suiran!" 

~*~

The current of the people were working against him. 

Most of them were moving in the opposite direction and he encountered a multitude of people coming from the bathroom and back towards the private boxes and their respective seats. 

Some recognized him and said hello and he smiled and nodded conversing with the ones he knew for a while before moving on.

Something inside Yue was driving him forward each step making the need within him stronger until he was practically running and pushing people out of his way.

"No! My name is Suiran Hisuiiro! I'm Suiran, not Yohji. Suiran!" 

Yue halted in his tracks at the sounds of Suiran's distressed voice. 

People had stopped and turned to see what the commotion was all about.

"Ran…" his feet began moving slowly at first and then faster until he was standing a mere few feet away with a clear view of what was happening.

Suiran's back was flat against the wall as he clutched at Saemi as if she was a life preserver. Even from this far Yue could tell that Suiran was shaking, it was very subtle but he'd made it his business to know every nuance of Suiran's behavior and he could tell. Yue realized by simple deduction that it was the man standing before Suiran that was causing him so much distress.

The man was Shinkou Murasaki.

Yue's heart froze.

What was happening? What was going on? 

Flashback 

"Oi Suiran look! I've got a new picture of him. Isn't he a dream? I want you to see him so…" Saemi said barging in on Suiran's room unexpectedly. Suiran was sitting up in bed his wounds nearly healed aside from some tenderness from the ones that had had to be stitched closed after they had reopened. His ribs were wrapped to let the bones heal and on his left leg was a cast to set the broken bones and help it heal properly. He was still in pretty bad shape but he was bounds and leaps better now than when Yue and Saemi had first gotten him.

"Oi niichan, I didn't know you were here," Saemi said stopping and smiling. Her blue eyes clear gray eyes surveyed Suiran's bare golden torso and her brother bent over the blonde man's bare-chested form. "Niichan Hentai! You're taking advantage of poor Suiran's defenseless condition."

"Baka!" Yue said rolling his eyes. He noticed the faint blush coloring Suiran's cheeks but decided not to say disregard it since he himself was probably blushing from embarrassment as well. He looked up from his careful application of the antiseptic on some of Suiran's wounds, which had gotten infected and were taking longer than he liked and was necessary, to heal. "Saemi what is it? I told you not to barge in on people like that, especially not Suiran. He's still recovering from his injuries." Yue reprimanded.

"But niichan, I just wanted…"

"It's okay. I like it when Saemi visits." Suiran said smiling sweetly at the girl. He looked down at his hands and his smile dropped at the corners making it seem bittersweet. "It takes my mind off…off of everything that's the matter with my life." 

Silvery gray eyes softened and Yue lifted his hand unconsciously to trace the line of Suiran's mouth. "Don't bite your lips," he fingered the cut, which after all this time had failed to heal. "You keep biting and reopening this wound."

"I'm sorry…" Suiran said softly his green eyes meeting Yue's gray ones.

"Ehem!"

Both men jumped up at the intrusion.

Saemi gave them a bright smile and sat down on Suiran's bed right next to her brother bumping her hip to his a little to get him to move over some more. "Suiran, do you remember me telling you who my crush is?" 

"Aa. Shinkou Murasaki neh?" Suiran said tilting his head and smiling at her indulgently, a few strands of blonde hair shimmied down one perfect golden shoulder.

Saemi was momentarily distracted but she was able to gather her thoughts rather quickly "Hai! He's a relatively new model but he's so kawaii!" Saemi opened the magazine she was carrying and showed him the picture of a stoic redhead with amethyst eyes glaring at the camera. 

There wasn't any real expression on the man's face but he seemed to be radiating a certain kind of fire and passion that transcended the page and captured the attention. Although in Saemi's case it was more of he mesmerized her. "He's so beautiful. He's my koibito!" she gaily announced.

"Though I doubt if he knows it yet." Yue surmised teasingly he turned to smile at Suiran and invite him to share the little joke when he saw the blonde stare at the picture his green eyes blank. "Suiran?" Yue touched the other man's shoulder. He was beginning to feel worried when he noticed that the blonde's pupils had dilated until his eyes appeared more black than actual green. 

Suiran blinked a few times as if waking up from a trance.

"What is it? What's wrong?"

Suiran shook his head. "I don't know…I saw _something_. Images but they went by so fast I didn't even see anything clearly enough or long enough to tell what it is." 

Yue watched as Suiran's head slumped forward his golden hand rising to massage his temple trying to dispel the throb that had begun there. "Headache?" Yue asked concerned.

Suiran gave him a small smile through the curtain of blonde hair that partially hid his face, "Yeah."

**End Flashback **

That was the first time Suiran had had those flashbacks of his accompanied by migraines. The doctor had said that the migraines were a by-product of the recurring memories and could be triggered by anything that might remind Suiran of his past.

More than once he'd had a migraine after looking at Shinkou Murasaki.

What was it in the redhead that triggered Suiran's memory? 

What was it in Shinkou Murasaki that reminded Suiran of his past? 

~*~

Ran's hand still tingled from the remembered pain of having Yohji slap his hand away. "Yohji why are you doing this? Why are you denying who you really are?" he asked gripping Yohji's shoulders in his hands and shaking him. 

Yohji tried to shrug his hand off but Ran held on tightly his fingers digging into Yohji's flesh. 

He had let go of this man before and it had been the biggest mistake of his life.

He wasn't going to do so now.

Not ever again.

~*~

"Get your hands off of him." Saemi said pushing Shinkou's hands away from Suiran's shoulders. "You're hurting him!" she said angrily her eyes narrowed into slits. All she wanted to do was push the redhead away and whisk Suiran off and away from here. Her eyes found her brother who was standing a few feet away. "Niichan!" she called out relieved. Whatever was going to happen, Saemi was sure her brother was going to take care of it. He wouldn't let Shinkou take Suiran away.

~*~

"Yue…" Suiran said pushing the redhead's hands away and walking towards the other blonde. The pain in his head was becoming unbearable as the name resounded in his mind.

Yohji…Yohji…Yohji…Yohji Kudou… 

"Yue…" Suiran whispered stopping for a moment to grip his head. Strong arms enfolded him and the familiar scent of Yue Kirisawa enveloped him. He rested his head on the taller man's shoulder as tears fell silently in big fat droplets from his eyes. "Yue…it _hurts _so much."

Arms tightened around him. "Suiran…it's okay. I'm here." He said stroking the other man's hair. "It's okay…"

"He called me Yohji…" Suiran said softly burying his head in the place where Yue's neck met his shoulder. 

"What?" Yue asked the blood in his veins turning into ice water. 

"Shinkou. He said that my name was Yohji. That I was Yohji…"

Silence before Yue was able to ask, "He knows you from before…?"

A lengthy silence followed. Yue moved his head back a little so he could gaze down at Suiran. 

He had fainted. 

~*~

Ran was silent as he observed them. 

It seemed that in the years they'd been separated, Yohji had found himself a new family. A family that had _lied _to him…told him he was someone he wasn't.

Yue. Yohji had said Yue and the Saemi girl had called him niichan. She was Saemi Kirisawa…Yue Kirisawa. The pianist!

Ran's amethyst eyes narrowed into slits as he watched _his _Yohji run towards the arms of another man. He watched his anger beginning to boil as Yue enveloped Yohji in a hug his hands running up and down Yohji's back. 

He started forward.

_He's mine damn it! You don't have **any **right_!

~*~

Yue met Shinkou's blazing amethyst eyes with cool gray ones as the redhead stopped a few feet in front of him.

"Niichan he wants to take Suiran away! Don't let him!" Saemi said gripping Yue's sleeve. She was glaring at Shinkou with a mixture of anger, apprehension, anxiety and resentment.

Shinkou opened his mouth to say something returning Saemi's glare with an icy stare of his own but whatever it was he was going to say was halted when Yue raised a hand to stop him.  "I don't care what you have to say right now. Suiran has fainted and I need to get him to a doctor."

The flare of anger the redhead had felt when Yue had called Yohji 'Suiran' evaporated the moment he heard that the blonde had fainted.

"Yohji's fainted?" He was concern and distress evident in his voice. His hand lifted to touch Yohji's blonde head slumped on Yue's shoulder.

"He's not Yohji! He told you he wasn't! His name is Suiran!" Saemi said angrily.

"His real name is Yohji. Yohji Kudou."

"No he isn't! He's Suiran!" she said this angrily almost stamping her foot in her ire.

"Stop this." Yue said firmly. "People are staring. Its bad enough we're making a scene but Suiran is _unconscious_. I need to get him home."

"Home? Don't you mean a hospital?" the redhead asked angrily his eyes narrowing. "He's fainted for no reason and you don't have him checked out?"

Yue hitched the blonde in his arms up a little since the other man was starting to slip from his grasp. 

"Uhm…"

"Suiran?" Yue asked.

"Yohji?" the redhead asked at the very same time.

The two men's eyes met over the blonde man's slumped head.

"Uhm…Yue?"

"Yes. It's me." Yue said staring at Shinkou over Suiran's head snuggled close to him.

Yohji turned and peeked over his shoulder and saw Shinkou standing there looking at him. "Go away," he said.

Amethyst eyes widened. "But."

"Go away." 

"Yohji…"

Suiran buried his face in the crook of Yue's neck, "Yue please make him leave…"

"Are you sure?" Yue asked bending close to whisper to his ear.

Suiran nodded, "Yes. I don't want to see him. I want to go home." He stepped back ad Yue's arm fell to his sides. Suiran rightened himself when he became aware of several eyes focused on them. Suiran managed to give them a small embarrassed smile, which a few of the well-dressed people returned. 

It was fortunate that very few people still remained in the hallway.

"I want to go home." Suiran repeated when nothing seemed to happen and all of them stood exactly where they were, unmoving and uncertain. 

Saemi was the first to move grasping Suiran's hand in hers and walking, tugging him towards the exit. "I'll go take Suiran to get our coats. We'll wait for you down by the entrance Yue."

Yue stared at the redhead model in front of him. He knew who Shinkou Murasaki was. Japanese with red hair and amethyst eyes…he was the jewel of the fashion world. Yue had seen enough pictures of Shinkou Murasaki thanks to his sister Saemi, to know that this man was definitely one of the highest paid models in Japan and probably the world. He'd noticed that Shinkou was handsome, it was undeniable that he was beautifully made but up close the man was arresting with his vivid coloring and fine features.

He was also dangerous.

That much Yue was certain of.

It was evident in the coldness in his eyes.

"I don't know what lies you told him but he is _not _Suiran Hisuiiro. His name is Yohji Kudou and I promise you he'll know who he is…" _he'll remember me…_ "I'll see to it."

Yue lifted one eyebrow and regarded the other man dispassionately careful not to show any emotion. "I didn't lie to him…you were the one who didn't…" he stopped himself from saying anymore. It was Suiran's business and he had no right to say anything. 

"What?"

Yue reached for the inside of his jacket extracting his wallet. He got two cards from the inside and handed it over. "It's the number and address of the house we're staying at here in Paris and the other card is our house address and number in Japan. Suiran may not want to see you but I think he needs to. At the very least he needs the closure." 

Shinkou stared down at his hands and the cards he held. 

"We're leaving for Japan in a few days. I suggest you let him be for now and visit us back in Japan."

"Why, so you can brainwash him further? I doubt your sister would like you very much for doing this." Shinkou said suspicion evident in his voice and in his eyes as he peered at Yue through a fall of dark red hair.

Yue's lips quirked upwards, "I don't even like myself for doing this but its best for Suiran if he talks to you. If you are telling the truth and he _is _who you say he is then it may do him some good to remember his past so he can move on." 

The red-haired man watched as the taller blonde pivoted on his heels and strolled away. His hand balled into fists unconsciously, crushing the cards in his hands. 

**A/N:**hi guys! Thanks for all those people who reviewed my fics. It's because of all of you that I try to do the best work possible. Thank you so much and please people, don't stop reviewing! And don't hesitate to tell me if I need to alter something or you think I'm doing a crappy job. Criticism, as long as it's constructive is good. 

He, he, he. Actually I just want to read reviews so please indulge me and review. -_~. 


	4. Musings

To Forget My Love 

Disclaimer: Weiss and all the characters connected to the anime mentioned in this fic are not mine. 

**A/N: **This is yaoi meaning boy x boy love I've chosen to write my first yaoi fic and feature my favorite pairing Aya x Yohji because I love them both. *Squeals and faints*

**Premise: **Weiß has disbanded after Yohji disappears and Aya is a famous fashion model blaming him self for Yohji's disappearance. He's changed his name and his lifestyle but when Aya sees a man who looks undeniably like Yohji his past comes back to haunt him…

**Shinkou Murasaki** – Ran's 'screen name', he is known by the fashion world by this name and only Aya-chan, Omi Ken and those who knew him from before know his real name. Shinkou is now his new identity because being a public figure and all he couldn't very call himself 'Ran Fujimiya'. All sorts of questions would be raised.

**Suiran Hisuiiro** – Yohji's new identity. Since he forgot who he was, he was named this by his new 'family'. 'Ran' is sometimes used as his nickname. Please tell me if it's confusing and I'll try to revise it…

Chapter Five: Musings 

"What's wrong with you? Really Murasaki, I should be the one all grumpy and sullen today and not you. Need I remind you that you were the one who left me last night?" Mia said pouting prettily. The photographer had called a lunch break and everyone had filled out of the studio to eat and rest. Both Mia and Shinkou opted to stay for different reasons. Mia, because she was watching her weight and Shinkou because he just wasn't hungry. He'd never had a big appetite...especially when he had something on his mind, which he did.

Why was Yohji being so damned difficult? Shinkou was feeling frustrated and angry. So Yohji lost his memory, shouldn't he be glad that someone recognized him from his past? That someone knows who he really is? Why was Yohji being so resistant about accepting the truth? The reality? And what the fuck was going on between Yue and Yohji? Yohji seemed to turn to Yue for comfort…for protection…for understanding…things that Yohji had once turned to _him _for. 

Flashback It was the middle of the night when Aya was awakened by quiet unnatural sounds coming from the other side of the bed. If his senses hadn't been honed from years of assassin and spy work he never would have noticed but as it was the almost imperceptible sounds woke him from his usual light slumber. He pushed himself up on one elbow and regarded Yohji with watchful amethyst eyes. "Yohji…you're crying," he said this with surprise. Aya sat up in bed and reached over to stroke Yohji's hair. "Yohji…" The blonde looked up leaning into Aya's caress for comfort. His emerald eyes were teary and his cheeks had tracks of tears rolling down them, soft sounds escaped from his parted, moist lips as he tried to control his uneven breathing. "What's the matter?" Suddenly, Yohji moved and buried his face against Aya's bare chest. Aya's felt the moistness of Yohji's tears and he hugged the shaking man more closely to his chest. 

"They were just little girls Aya...one of them died in my arms…"

_Oh my God…_

"Yohji…" Aya moaned in sympathy, pressing a kiss to Yohji's forehead.

"She said…she said '_thank_ _you_'. Thank you for saving her, but then I let her die! I let her die…"

"Yohji there couldn't have been anything more you could have done. I'm sure you did everything you could."

"But I failed her Aya!" Yohji said crying all the harder. He was trembling. "She had eyes like yours and all I could think of as I watched the light in her eyes fade was that what if I had to watch the light in _your _eyes fade? I'd die Aya…I'm so scared…and she was such a little girl too. Little girls aren't supposed to die…"

Aya closed his eyes and continued to stroke Yohji's hair soothing his other hand circling the blonde's back in gentle circles.

"Don't ever die Aya, promise you won't die on me…"

Aya knew that it was a foolish promise to make. In their profession, mortality was something they had to face everyday of their life, every mission they accepted…but Aya was willing to do anything just to quiet Yohji's fears. The blonde was all he had left that was good in their world of darkness. "I won't…I won't die on you. I promise."

End Flashback Shinkou closed his eyes and ran his hand over his face not caring if he was messing up the make-up that Frances had painstakingly painted his face with. Yohji was vulnerable like that… Yohji _felt._ It had taken him a long time to realize it but he finally figured it out, the reason Yohji stayed out late at night and partied till he was too drunk to know which way was up. It was because he needed to forget, to insulate himself from their life of killings and blood and murders. It was the same thing Aya was doing with his icy cold mask. If Yohji turned to human contact and drunkenness for comfort, Aya turned away from it and sought solace instead from his books and the icy wall he had built around himself to cushion the blow of the pain of their reality. 

They were fundamentally the same and perhaps in a different life they would have been friends…maybe more. Once he'd accepted this truth he began to see Yohji in a whole new different light. Not as the drunken, slutty man that disgusted him but as the vulnerable, teasing man who loved to laugh and cared genuinely for other people. Then, he began to notice how beautiful Yohji was. He had a weird fashion sense and on anyone else his clothes would have looked stupid but Yohji carried them off with such a nonchalant flair that on him, the clothes worked. It certainly drew attention to his perfectly toned, golden body. His face was different…striking. He was a very beautiful man with his soulful green eyes and the amused quirk of his mouth and the way his golden hair fell down, framing his features to perfection. 

Yohji may have spouted bullshit pick-up lines but what really got him the girls, even the smart ones who ought to have known better, was the look in his eyes when he said them.

He _cared_.

And once Yohji had more than cared for _him_. For Aya, for Ran, for Abyssinian…Yohji had loved him, all of him.

And you're going to remember me again Yohji…and love me again…you have to… 

Flashback 

"Oi Aya, what do you think? Which one should I wear?" 

_"Whatever you want I guess. Doesn't matter to me," _the redhead said eyeing the towel that was riding dangerously low on Yohji's hips.

_A blonde eyebrow rose and sensual lips curved in a smile, "Yeah since I'm gonna be out of them by the time we get back, right?"_

Aya slowly walked towards Yohji his face unreadable. He stopped only when their bodies were touching; Yohji's still wet slick chest glistening under his hot amethyst eyes. He hooked his hands on Yohji's hips and pulled.

The towel slid unnoticed and tangled on the floor at their feet.

"Right." Aya whispered as he claimed the other man's lips in a fierce, lusty kiss.

**End Flashback**

Shinkou sighed and shifted a little on his seat crossing his legs. Mia gave him a questioning look which he did not notice, so wrapped up was he in his contemplations. Was Yohji letting that blonde pianist touch him the way Aya had? Had Yohji cried out in ecstasy under Yue's touch the way he had under Aya's? Did Yohji's lower lip still tremble just before he came? Did Yohji still like his coffee black and bitter? Was he still fond of those cancer sticks if his?

Yohji had lost his memory.

That was a blow but it explained a lot…

Like why he hadn't come back that night long ago…

"Shi~nkou!"

"What? Huh?" Shinkou asked blinking his eyes rapidly as if waking up from a daze.

Mia let out an irritated sigh. "I was asking you what the matter was. I should be the one acting all bothered and sullen and quiet with you leaving me at the opera last night."

"I forgot about you. I apologize," he said automatically. 

She rolled her eyes, he had said the apology to quickly for him to mean it and so she whacked him on the arm earning her self a slight frown from him. "Stop that," he said.

"Stop that." She mimicked him. "Really Murasaki, you are getting to be such a pain!"

He cocked one eyebrow her way. "Funny, you got there a long time ago."

Mia made a face at him, "Ha, ha…by the way I got you the autograph of the band."

Shinkou's eyes widened. He'd totally forgotten about it! "Thank you," he said, his features softening as he looked at Mia with a hint of a smile on his face. No matter how irritating she was, she was a nice person.

"Don't thank me. I did it for Aya-chan. Not for you. I was about ready to murder you when I realized you took off taking the car with you!" her voice ended rather belligerently.

Shinkou winced acknowledging his breech in etiquette. "Again, I apologize." He said, this time meaning it. "How did you get home by the way?"

Mia smirked, "Honey, with looks like mine I could have been on my way to Hawaii on a private Lear Jet no problem. Getting a ride to and from the party was no trouble at all."

"Modest."

Mia smiled. "You know, several people at the party asked where you were. Apparently they saw you with me at the opera."

"Oh really?"

Mia nodded. "Yes and you know what? You weren't the only no show. Yue Kirisawa also didn't make an appearance although he called to apologize which is more than what _you_ did, darling dear." Mia's eyes caught the slight tightening of Shinkou's jaws before he forced himself to relax. "Did something happen Shinkou? Why did you take off last night? You may be a pain in the ass but you're usually pretty dependable. _Boring_ is the word. So why? Why'd you take off last night?"

"I saw someone familiar…someone I knew a long time ago."

"A friend?" Mia asked tilting her head to the side. 

"…"

"Someone more?"

"Hn."

~*~

"Here, I bought you some pastries you might like. Have you had lunch yet?" Yue asked Saemi as he handed her the box of edibles. 

"I had a late breakfast. I'm not hungry yet." Saemi answered taking out a chocolate truffle and taking a big bite,

"Not hungry?"

"Hunger doesn't have anything to do with it. This is desire." Saemi joked winking at Yue as she swallowed a mouthful.

"Gluttony, you mean."

"Want one?"

"No thank you."

"Where's Ran? What did the doctor say?" 

Yue got two glasses from the cupboard; he filled one with water, "Water or juice?" he asked Saemi.

"Mmmm…water. Chocolate and juice doesn't mix. They taste yucky. That's a axiom from The Wisdom Book of Saemi, by the way."

Yue lifted an eyebrow, "You're odd. You _do_ realize that, don't you?" he teased.

Saemi stuck out her tongue at him, "So? Normalcy is the death of amusement and life without laughter…"

"Is a life not worth living." Yue finished for her. 

"You told me that." Saemi said smiling up at him. 

Yue ruffled her air earning an appalled exclamation that he had 'ruined her crowning glory' and put down a glass of water in front of Saemi. She watched as beads of precipitation slid down the cold surface of the glass and chewed thoughtfully.

"The doctor said Suiran was fine. Needed rest. Nothing we haven't heard before."

"So where is he?"

"I dropped him off at a café, he said he needed to be alone for a while. He needed to think."

Saemi swallowed. "About what? Shinkou? You don't think he's going to meet with Shinkou again do you?"

Yue pulled out a chair and sat across from Saemi on the marble island in their kitchen. "I want him to. Saemi I think we should consider calling Suiran Yohji."

"What? What are you talking about? We don't even know if Shinkou really does know Suiran!"

"Maybe not but maybe he does. I think Suiran should meet with him."

"But niichan Suiran is ours. He has a new life now! A new family."

Yue clasped his hands together on the table and studied it for a moment before lifting his eyes to look at Saemi. "Suiran does not belong to us. He's not a pet Saemi. He's a human being who has feelings and might have a family who cares for him and misses him very much. I don't want to lose him either…"

"Then why do you keep pushing this issue? Why?"

"Because we have to think of what's best for Suiran, can you really expect him to fully move on without knowing his past? He may not want to now but sooner or later he'll begin to wonder. The sooner he learns about his origins and his history the better he'll understand himself." 

Saemi looked away. "But what if he decides to leave us?"

"That's his choice to make Saemi. Not ours."

~*~ 

What Yue told him had made a lot of sense. Suiran admitted that to himself as he ambled on the Paris streets not noticing the admiring glances he was receiving from some of the passers-by. He _did _need to know about his past and he may not like to _now_ but he was going to want to someday, perhaps. "But do I really want to see them? After how they forgot me?"

The memory of those long months of not knowing who he was, of waiting for word that someone somewhere out there was looking for him, was still vivid in his mind. He could still remember how scared and anxious he was every time Yue would venture out to check the missing reports on the police stations and see if anyone was looking for a six feet something blonde Japanese man with green eyes.

In theory it had been simple.

How many natural blonde, green-eyed Japanese were there anyway?

They'd never considered that no one was going to come forward and try to find him.

After the first year he had asked Yue to stop checking.

He gave up.

He moved on.

And now here was this famous supermodel claiming to have known him in the past.

Who was Shinkou Murasaki in his life?

Were they friends?

Acquaintances? 

Cousins?

What?

Yue had said that he should talk to Shinkou to find out. 

Get rid of all the questions whirling around in his mind.

"You'd have peace and you'll finally be able to move on."

But what if he didn't like what he learned? What if Shinkou unleashed some horrific, tragic tale of Suiran's past, a past that was best forgotten? What if he found out the truth and regretted finding out? What if he, Suiran, turned out to be some kind of horrific human being?

What if the Yohji Kudou Shinkou claimed that Suiran truly was, was an awful man? 

Suiran was very conflicted. On one hand he was thankful to Yue for caring so much about him but why was the man pushing him so hard to try and remember? Was Yue fed up with him? Didn't he want Suiran in his life anymore? The thought stung and hurt him and he wished to God that it wasn't so. He had come to regard Yue as a very important part of his life, a vital part of his being.

Suiran had long since admitted to himself that he was in love with the blonde musician.

It wasn't the gorgeous looks, the refinement, the talent or the money that got him, although those things didn't hurt at all. It was Yue's gentleness. The way he cared for his sister, firmly but also gently rearing her up to be the wonderful person that she has become and the amazing woman she was fast becoming. 

Yue was very protective and caring and in the years since he'd joined their family, Suiran had been encompassed in Yue's warmth, affection and his gentleness.

Thinking back, Yue could still remember how confused he had been to wake up and see himself in such a state. To have multiple bones in his body broken, to have those gashes and marks and to find out that he'd been _violated_ in the most disturbing of ways.

That would have been bad enough but couple it with the fact that he'd woken up without any idea who he was, where he came from and how he'd come to be in such a condition was enough to throw him over the edge.

There were times when he'd contemplated taking his own life.

Women were raped all the time.

It was horrifying but alas it was commonplace in the modern world.

But for a man to be raped…especially a man as tall as he was…as muscular as he was…

"There's been some rectal tearing… indicative of rape." 

The shame that had washed over him, the shame and the horror at the indignity of what had been done to him. Worst of all he didn't even know who did it or why it happened. 

Why?

"We're going to have to test him for HIV and other sexually transmitted deceases and the like before you could take him home Mr. Kirisawa."

It was like he hadn't been there. He had just been the rape victim. The guy who got raped…the guy who got raped…over and over again it rang in his mind but no matter how much he heard it repeated it was still such a paradox…guys don't get raped.

Especially by other guys…

Suiran started to hyperventilate. It had taken him a while to get over the fact of his abuse and memory loss and it had taken him several months of intense psychological and physiological therapy to regain his 'normalcy' once more. To work though the reality of his abuse.

Then the memory flashes came and with them a head splitting migraine that made him feel like he was dying. It came in varying degrees, sometimes a mild irritation he could easily ignore but sometimes the attack was so intense he either blacked out all of a sudden or fall on his knees clutching his head wishing he _would _black out, if only to be spared from the pain.

At first he thought he was dying.

That he had some serious decease.

After the doctor had given him a clean bill of health Suiran had turned to his psychologist. 

And then the doctor said that the pain was the by-product of his memory flashes. The psychologist Yue had taken him to had believed in hypnosis as a therapeutic tool and had utilized it to unlock the secret connection to Yohji's migraine and memory. Even perhaps to cure his amnesia.

Suiran, Saemi and Yue had hoped and they'd been disappointed.

All the doctor had been able to get from the hypnosis sessions were moaning from Yohji and then utter blankness. 

It was as if his mind was wiped clean. 

It seemed the only hope of his regaining his memory was to work within him self.

Try to ride the images and decipher them. Peace together who he was a build a picture that would serve as a key and unlock the truth of his past and who he really was.

Hypothetically, it seemed easy enough but the truth was it was hard to focus on the images when they went by so fast in a seeming unending blur of chaos that caused him such a severe bout of pain sometimes…

He'd stopped hoping for his memory to return.

It had ceased to matter after a while.

He had a new life now.

He was happy.

"Aren't you even a little bit curious? Don't you want to know the truth about what happened to you? Have some idea of your past?" Yue has said while they talked in the pastry shop after visiting a doctor to check Suiran's condition.

_"…"_

_"At the very least Suiran, it might take away your headaches. Hear him out. What harm can it do?"_

_"Why do you want me to talk to him so much?" Suiran asked getting annoyed. "Why can't you respect my decision?"_

_"Because I care for you." Yue said putting down his cup of tea carefully back on the tabletop._

_Suiran nodded and looked away._

_"Suiran, really I do. I care for you a lot."_

_Suiran had stood up. "I need to take a walk…do you mind if I go alone? I'll go home in a little bit."_

_Yue shook his head, "No I don't mind. Take all the time you need…"_

"Should I or shouldn't I? Hear him out…what harm could it do?" Suiran ran a hand through his thick blonde hair and sighed. Should he follow Yue's advice?

Yue cared for him…a lot.

But Suiran wanted more than caring from Yue. 

He wanted love. 

Sometimes he thought Yue felt the same way for him but Yue was such a reticent guy that Suiran just couldn't be sure. Not entirely.

He sighed. 

With all the uncertainties he was facing, one thing was glaringly certain.

This vacation in Paris was certainly turning out to be a dud. 

~*~ 

**A/N: **Sorry if its bad! Gomen! Gomen! I'm working on chapter six and I'll try to get it out before the weekend because I'll be busy by Friday straight through until next week and won't be able to update as soon…sorry…

Anyway this chapter is kind of long, isn't it? Heh…reviews please…thought and feelings about this chapter a certainly much appreciated and to those people who always review my fics, I love you guys! It's because you review that I toil over my computer and try to crank out those chapters as fast as I can! Thanks again guys and keep on reviewing, okay? Mwah!    


	5. Decisions

To Forget My Love

**Disclaimer**: Weiss and all the characters connected to the anime mentioned in this fic are not mine. 

**A/N:** This is yaoi meaning boy x boy love I've chosen to write my first yaoi fic and feature my favorite pairing Aya x Yohji because I love them both. *Squeals and faints*

**Premise:** Weiß has disbanded after Yohji disappears and Aya is a famous fashion model blaming him self for Yohji's disappearance. He's changed his name and his lifestyle but when Aya sees a man who looks undeniably like Yohji his past comes back to haunt him…

**Shinkou Murasaki** - Ran's 'screen name', he is known by the fashion world by this name and only Aya-chan, Omi Ken and those who knew him from before know his real name. Shinkou is now his new identity because being a public figure and all he couldn't very call himself 'Ran Fujimiya'. All sorts of questions would be raised.

**Suiran Hisuiiro** - Yohji's new identity. Since he forgot who he was, he was named this by his new 'family'. 'Ran' is sometimes used as his nickname. 

By the way, the song Yohji is thinking about is entitled **Here Comes The Rain Again **and I think its by Annie Lennox, I dunno, I forgot. 

Anyway, on with the fic! 

Chapter Six: Decisions 

Suiran sighed and stretched. He couldn't sleep, his body's time clock still screwed up from the change in time zones. He sat up in bed, the silken sheets covering him riding down low to expose his bare chest. He swept the covers aside and stood up deciding to visit the music room.

It was a special place for him in the house. It was quiet and peaceful and he had spent a lot of his time there with Yue and Saemi both. 

It was a relaxing place for him.

And he needed that right now.

He jammed his feet on his slippers and took his robe, putting it on and heading out of his room. 

The thick carpeting muffled his footsteps as he passed by Saemi and Yue's rooms on his way downstairs. 

It was raining outside. He could see the raindrops hitting the windowpanes as he passed by one of the floor to ceiling glass windows that decorated the house. 

He stopped a moment remembering a song he'd heard Yue sing before.

The Kirisawas were a very musical family and Suiran had been drawn into that world in the time he had stayed with them.

_Here comes the rain again_

_Falling on my head like a memory_

_Falling on my head like a new emotion_

_I want to walk in the open wind_

If Suiran was to be really honest with him self, he knew that jet lag wasn't the only reason he couldn't sleep. It was also because he was thinking too much. He was thinking about the incident in Paris. 

His relationship with Yue… 

And of course, Shinkou Murasaki's claim that he knew Suiran from the past.

Should he or shouldn't he? 

Suiran opened the door to the music room and was surprised to see Yue sitting on the piano playing a melody he didn't recognize. The music room was sound proofed and Suiran hadn't heard Yue's playing, not until he had opened the door.

Yue stopped and looked up. "Ran…"

"I couldn't sleep." Ran confessed smiling a little.

Yue nodded, "Me neither. Come inside, we haven't gotten much time to talk since we got back from Paris have we?"

"No, we haven't." Suiran agreed entering the room. Yue made room for him beside his seat on the piano and Suiran sat there, beside Yue. "I haven't heard that melody you were playing before."

"No one has yet. I've been working on it for a while." Yue answered smiling at Suiran. "So you're the first one to hear it. Do you like it?"

"Yes. I thought it was lovely."

"I'm glad."

Silence.

No sound was able to penetrate the insulated walls of this room.

It was comfortable and Suiran gave a little sigh thinking about how wonderful it was to be here with Yue.

There was really nowhere else he would want to be.

So why endanger this life by seeking out the past?

Suiran looked at Yue. The other man's profile was turned to him. The smooth forehead, the patrician nose, the firm sensuous mouth and the gentle gray eyes all working together to create someone so perfectly lovely… 

Yue was a wonderful man. Tender and loving and caring. "Yue…"

"Yes? What is it?" Yue asked raising an eyebrow questioningly as he waited for Suiran to begin.

"I…" he stopped.

"Ran?" Yue prompted.

How to say it…? How to tell him…? 

_I want to talk like lovers do_

_I want to dive into your ocean_

_Is it raining with you_

"I've been living here for three years now. In that time, you and Saemi have both come to mean a lot to me."

"You've come to mean a lot to us too."

Suiran smiled and nodded, "I know. But the thing is Yue, you've come to mean more than just a friend…a family to me. I-I l-love you and I don't really understand quite how or when or why it happened but I do. And there are times when I feel that you feel the same way for me too but I'm not sure."

There was a pregnant pause as Yue stared at Suiran, his face unmoving, his eyes unreadable.

Suiran was sure that Yue could hear his heart thump against his ribcage. 

Deciding to be brave, Suiran swallowed all his fears and insecurities and plunged head on. He had nothing left to lose, "The thing with you pushing me to remember my past _hurts_ me. I want to stay here and be with you but I'm not so sure if that's what you want. I think it is, sometimes but I don't know. Not for sure."

~*~

Yue stared at Suiran catching a teardrop with his fingertip as it fell from Suiran's long flaxen eyelashes. 

He bent his head and kissed Suiran on the lips like he had wanted to do all these years.

It was everything he had imagined it to be and more. The feel of Suiran's soft firm lips against his, the feel of their breath's mingling as Suiran opened his mouth to accept him…Yue raised one hand and ran it through Suiran's long blonde hair his other hand massaging the blonde man's scalp and then going lower to clasp the other man's nape and angle his head just so to allow further deepening of the kiss. 

_So baby talk to me_

_Like lovers do_

_walk with me_

_like lovers do_

_talk to me_

_like lovers do_

When they parted, both men were breathing heavily. Suiran lifted one of his hands to cup Yue's cheek looking deep into those gray eyes. He leaned in close to instigate another kiss but Yue pulled back shaking his head lightly and whispering, "No."

Suiran's hand fell to his side as his green eyes glimmered with hurt and pain and confusion. He made a move to stand up and leave but Yue caught his hand and tugged him down forcing him to sit back. 

"Not yet." Yue said touching Suiran's cheek with his fingertips. Tracing the line of the other man's mouth.

"You don't feel the same way about me then…" Suiran whispered refusing to meet the other man's eyes.

Yue cupped Suiran's chin and drew his face towards him so he could gaze into those beautiful green eyes. "Oh I do. I feel the same way. You have no idea how much I've wanted to touch you and to hold you through out the years."

Suiran blinked in surprise, "If you wanted me so much, then why didn't you ever…?"

"Because it wasn't the right time then. And it's not the right time now. Not yet."

"I don't understand." 

"I don't just _want_ you. I love you. And I can't let myself be blinded by my own needs for you. You needed time to heal and you needed to find yourself first before you can have a successful relationship with someone. I wanted you to become who you are first. To find your own identity, to move on, before I could say or do anything."

"Then _after_…I was able to move on. When I became who I am today…why didn't you make a move then?"

"Your memory flashes. If I pursued a more than a platonic relationship with you, I was afraid that you might not be as receptive of them. I wanted you to remember. That's why I kept urging you to talk to Murasaki. So you can find out who you really are. So you can decide clearly if you wanted to go back to being the person you were, to the life that was taken away from you. Or if you wanted to stay here, with me."

"What if I was horrible in the past?" Suiran asked in a soft scared voice. "What if I hated what I find out?"

"Then I'm sure you will decide to stay here with me and we'll both move on. Together."

"And what if my past keeps me from you?"

"Then I suppose that means we're not really meant to be together."

Suiran watched Yue's face carefully trying to see what the other man felt about this possibility but Yue's face was too closed…

Too expressionless for Suiran to gauge his feeling correctly...

~*~

_Here comes the rain again_

_Raining in my head like a tragedy_

_Tearing me apart like a new emotion_

_Ooohh_

Why was it that life never seemed to want him to be happy? There was always something keeping him from perfect happiness and it was frustrating the hell out of him. Suiran sighed, "So to be with you, I have to remember first. What if I can't?"

"I'll wait for you. No matter how long it takes."

_I want to breathe in the open wind_

_I want to kiss like lovers do_

_I want to dive into your ocean_

_Is it raining with you_

"I want to be with you so much. And to be perfectly honest, I hate Shinkou Murasaki."

"You and Saemi both."

For a moment Suiran smirked, "and you don't?"

"Maybe. A little." Yue confessed.

Suiran laughed before turning serious once more. "I want to ask him why he didn't look for me before and why he's so bent on talking to me now."

"Perhaps he didn't know you were missing. I've noticed that more than a few of your attacks were centered around him. Most of your more severe episodes were triggered by his picture, his voice…his presence. I want to know why Suiran. Don't you?"

"I don't know."

"I want you to know. To be sure." Yue sighed and ran a hand through his hair before settling them on Suiran's shoulder and staring deep into those emerald eyes. "You know how scared you were feeling when you told me how you weren't sure I felt the same way?"

"Of course I do. It was only a little while ago."

"Well I'm feeling those exact same feelings."

"But I already told you that I did. That I love you."

"_Now_ you do. But what if something in your past changes that? I don't want to be hurt Suiran and I don't want you to be hurt so let's just be the way we are now first and when the time is right, and I hope to god it soon is, then we can go on. It's all of these questions that you and I have that has kept me from you. I want you to know all the answers first. Find yourself." 

Suiran nodded and kept silent, lost in his thoughts. He was unconsciously playing the song's melody on the piano. 

Yue noticed and recognized the song. 

_Here comes the rain again_

_Falling on my head like a memory_

_Falling on my head like a new emotion_

_(Here it comes again, here it comes again)_

"I've given Shinkou our address both in Paris in Japan. I advised him to wait until we were back here in Japan before trying to contact you. I'm pleased he's decided to follow my advice."

"You gave him our address? I don't know if I should feel angry or grateful for your interference."

"Well I suggest you be grateful." Yue said smiling, "It will make me feel better if you were."

Suiran laughed and shook his head. "But this Murasaki must first convince me that he really truly knew me from before. That he isn't playing some kind of sick game."

"Well if he is, then I promise you I'll go to great lengths to see him punished. But as things are, I don't think he is. What good will it bring a famous model like him to toy with you?"

"Some kind of sick perverted pleasure?" Suiran suggested almost hopeful.

"Don't make excuses." Yue said, "You have to talk to him and be open to what he says. I promise I'll protect you. You don't need to be afraid."

"I'm angry and resentful of him still but you're right. I need to know. I need the closure."

"Yes you do."

"And when I have that, I can be with you." Suiran said smiling and meeting Yue's gray eyes with his emerald ones.

"If you still want to."

I want to walk in the open wind 

_I want to talk like lovers do_

_I want to dive into your ocean_

_Is it raining with you_

"Okay then. I'll meet with him. I'll talk to him. I'll try to remember."

Yue nodded and rested his forehead on Suiran's head inhaling the scent that was clearly Suiran. "Shall I start calling you Yohji then?"

"No." Suiran said shaking his head, "Not yet…to me, right now, I'm still Suiran."

Yue closed his eyes, _I hope I don't regret pushing you to remember. _

_And I wish that you will always be Suiran…_

_That you will always stay here with Saemi and I…_

_With me…_

**A/N: **This is the next installment…I hope you guys liked it. I was surprised when a lot of people were surprised when I wrote about Suiran and Yue and Suiran being in love with Yue. I thought I had hinted on that but oh well…in any case this chapter I dedicated to Suiran and Yue's relationship and to those who are looking for Aya, don't worry, he'll be on the next chapter. Promise. J Anyway, tell me if you like it or hate it, please? 

Don't forget to review…please review! Please! Pretty Please! 

He, he, he…I'll shut up now! 


	6. Patience

To Forget My Love

**Disclaimer**: Weiss and all the characters connected to the anime mentioned in this fic are not mine. 

**A/N:** This is yaoi meaning boy x boy love I've chosen to write my first yaoi fic and feature my favorite pairing Aya x Yohji because I love them both. *Squeals and faints*

Premise: Weiß has disbanded after Yohji disappears and Aya is a famous fashion model blaming him self for Yohji's disappearance. He's changed his name and his lifestyle but when Aya sees a man who looks undeniably like Yohji his past comes back to haunt him…

**Shinkou Murasaki** - Ran's 'screen name', he is known by the fashion world by this name and only Aya-chan, Omi Ken and those who knew him from before know his real name. Shinkou is now his new identity because being a public figure and all he couldn't very call himself 'Ran Fujimiya'. All sorts of questions would be raised.

**Suiran Hisuiiro** - Yohji's new identity. Since he forgot who he was, he was named this by his new 'family'. 'Ran' is sometimes used as his nickname. Please tell me if it's confusing and I'll try to revise it…

**Dedication: **I would just like say thank you to a great person, Shaeric Draconis for encouraging me. I wouldn't have posted this if not for her. Thank you girl! And to everyone who has reviewed my fic To Forget My Love, thank you!

**Chapter Seven:** Patience

The airport was crowded. People were milling around minding their own business. There was some press there so the layperson was curious why the people with cameras were waiting around in the airport. The possibility of a celebrity sighting was very stimulating and definitely intriguing for the normal person and so they stayed. And looked around wondering which famous person they were going to see. 

A man dressed in a rather somber fashion with his long dark trench coat and large sunglasses obscuring more than half of his face walked by. His hair was dark and curly and looked greasy and unkempt. The same thing could be said of his beard. People kept noticing the man and some even commented on him. They couldn't understand what it is about him that drew their eye. He certainly was nothing spectacular to look at but there was an aura about him that just compelled them. Then suddenly all attention was drawn to the other side of the room where the passengers from one of the planes were coming in.

"Oh my gosh look! It's Mia! Mia!" one fan screamed as flashbulbs began to flash and cameras began clicking to capture the image of one of Japan's top female model/actresses.

People began to push past the man with greasy unkempt hair as they clamored to get a closer look at the gorgeous female model. The tidal wave of humanity was almost overwhelming. Shinkou allowed a small smirk to cross his lips as he pushed his black Ray bands up higher on the bridge of his nose. He ducked his head feeling the strand of fake black hair fall over to further obscure his features. When he got a couple of feet away from the crowd and the frenzied media was safely distracted, Shinkou turned around to smile at the spectacle Mia was making herself out to be. The brunette really loved her fame and the limelight and was always happy to help him escape it as she gathered as much attention to herself as she could. 

Pushing the dark glasses up higher to the bridge of his nose, Shinkou made his way out of the terminal and into the parking lot. He wasn't concerned about his luggage and all the things he'd bought in Paris for Aya-chan. He knew that the others would make sure he got his things later on that day. He'd asked his manager to get his silver Porsche ready and waiting for him when he arrived and sure enough there it was glinting beautifully in the morning sun.  

As much as he loved Paris and all its wonderful sights, it was always a pleasure to go back home. He unlocked the Porsche's side door and opened it smiling as the familiar scent of his car's leather interior reached his nostrils. He took off the sunglasses and tossed it inside along with the fake beard that made his chin and cheeks itch like a bitch and threw them inside as well. Off went the awful looking fake wig. He scratched his head wincing in distaste at the damp feel of his hair plastered to his head from perspiration 

"Shinkou! Shinkou Murasaki!" someone screamed and the redhead froze in the act of climbing into his car. As if by slow motion, every available person who heard her cry out repeated the exclamation and turned to face him. "Shinkou!" one girl screamed as she ran towards him from across the parking lot. 

"Oh shit." Shinkou said as he climbed inside his car and peeled off. This was absolutely ridiculous, he thought as he realized that people were actually _running _after his car. Running after _him_. He rolled his eyes and accelerated his car the superior engine of the Porsche purring as its full power was released. There was no way he was going to wait for those paparazzi to get to their cars and chase him.

~*~**__**

Aya-chan yawned loudly rubbing her eyes in hopes of staving off sleep. She'd had to pull an all-nighter last night to finish a school project and her friends and her had had to stay in school later than usual to perfect it and get it ready for presentation tomorrow and Aya-chan hadn't been able to get enough sleep.

"See you tomorrow neh Aya-chan! And get some sleep!" One of her friends called out laughing and waving as they dropped her off and continued on to their own houses.

Aya-chan nodded and smiled giving them a sleepy half-wave before fishing inside her pocket for the keys for the locked gate. She had it out and was ready to insert it in the keyhole when she noticed that the gate wasn't locked at all.

She blinked.

She could have sworn she'd locked it before going to school this morning. But then again, she'd been so sleepy she hadn't really been aware of what was going on. At least she locked the front door. She wasn't overly worried anyway; her brother had chosen a nice neighborhood for them to live in. The crime rate here was almost nonexistent. Aya pushed the gate open hearing the smooth, well oiled whoosh of the hinges as it moved. A wind blew by and the rustle of the leaves of the large tree they had situated beside their house could be heard.

Aya loved that tree and she loved the seating area her brother had had constructed under its widespread branches. It was a perfect place to relax and chat with friends. Aya-chan pushed back the few strands of her dark, bluish-black that had escaped her braid as she up to the house. It wasn't extravagant, the house was actually very simple and not at all where you'd expect Japan's top male model to reside but it was comfortable in its own simple, unostentatious way. The house was a few miles away from the gate. There was a path lined with stones that cut through the grassy front yard situated in front of the residence. There were several flowerbeds strategically placed here and there to provide color to the front yard   

Aya-chan loved the house and the flowers as well. Her brother hired a gardener to come once a month to take care of the heavy duty and to take care of the flowers if he was going to be away for a while but it was her niichan who took the actual care of the flowers. Making sure they got enough sunlight, fertilizer, water…everything. It had come as a surprise to her after waking up and she realized the extent of how truly changed her Onii-chan was.

All this thinking was making her sleepier and her eyes began to droop.

She blinked again; it wouldn't do to pass out right in the middle of the yard. Her brother would no doubt worry to no end. He had become so protective of her after she had woken up. He treated her like she was glass sometimes, like she could break at any second. Aya-chan understood that her niichan was only looking out for her and that his worrying was rather justified by his fear of repeating what he'd gone through when she was put in a coma but there were times…times when she thought that it wasn't just that he was scared of losing her that he was so overly protective…

It was like she was all he really had left in the world.

And that made Aya-chan sad. 

Reaching the front door, Aya-chan selected the corresponding key, her key chain in the shape of a small soccer ball given to her by Ken jingled as she inserted it on the keyhole. Again she found that it was unlocked and a furrow formed between her brows.

She was sure she had locked it this morning. It had always been her habit and she could still recall closing the door and locking it. Her skirt had gotten caught, she remembered, and she'd had to open the door again before finally locking it before she left for school.

She twisted the knob and pushed the door open, relieved when it made no sound. It wouldn't do to let the intruder, if any, know of her presence in the house. She stopped after taking one step inside. _What am I doing? What if he charges at me and kills me or something? _She thought biting her lip. Her brother had always accused her of acting before thinking but Aya-chan wasn't stupid and she was well aware that if someone was indeed inside the house and robbing her and her brother blind, that person wouldn't take it very well if she were to interrupt him.

He might shoot me or some thing… 

Her doe eyes peered steadily, studying the inside of the house. Nothing was different…nothing was amiss or out of the ordinary…something still bothered her though. Something…she saw it then. Her brother's house slippers weren't at their usual place by the side of the door!

A smile dawned on Aya-chan's face. "Niichan Are you here? Okaeri niichan, welcome home!" Aya-chan called out her loud voice carrying well through the house. 

"Arigato. I'm in the kitchen."

She quickly discarded her school shoes putting them in their usual place and shoved her small feet into her purple house shoes. Her feet made nary a sound as the thick carpeting in the interior of the house absorbed the sound of slippers hurrying forward. "Why didn't you tell me you were going to be home?" she asked as she passed through the swinging door that led to the kitchen. She smiled when she saw her brother, 'Hottest Man in Japan' wearing a charcoal turtleneck, black slacks and an orange apron that read 'Kiss the Cook' in the front. The apron had been Aya-chan's gift to her brother when she found out that her older brother Ran, who hadn't even known how to boil water in the kitchen before had turned out to be a pretty proficient cook. Aya-chan hurried over to him and gave him a big hug, kissing him on the cheek. "It's so good to see you again Ran-niichan! You've been gone for quite some time!"

Ran returned her hug smiling and tousling her hair. "I missed you too and you know I don't go by Ran anymore. It's Shinkou, remember?"

"I don't care! For me you'll always be my Ran-niichan!" Aya said stubbornly. "Let the whole world see you as Shinkou…you'll always be Ran Fujimiya to me."

Shinkou smiled, "I'll always be your brother."

"Yes. Nothing can ever change that." Aya-chan said giving him another tight squeeze. His smile had a hint of sadness at the edges and she didn't like that at all.

~*~

"Well?"

"Well what?" Ran asked watching his sister with a half smile on his face. She'd grown prettier these last few months. Her hair was longer now and she wore it in different styles but every now and then she would revert back to her braids but Mia had gotten a hold of Aya-chan and convinced her that one braid was enough.

Two on either side of her head was a definite 'No, No'.

"Well why didn't you tell me you were coming home? I didn't think you'd be back until the end of the week!"

"I wasn't sure myself but the shoot finished early and I decided to go home."

"How is Mia?"

"Hn…same as always." Aya muttered thinking of the beautiful, vain, black haired model that had somehow become his friend although even after years of friendship, he still couldn't understand how it happened. "You're home pretty late aren't you?" he observed checking the clock on the wall at the other side of the kitchen. 

"My friends and I were finishing a project at school." Aya-chan replied. She tilted her head to the side and studied him intently. Ran watched her lifting an eyebrow in question.

"What happened to you in Paris niichan?"

"Why do you ask?"

"You enjoyed it a lot didn't you."

"I had some pleasant surprises, yes." Ran agreed thinking about seeing Yohji again. _And some unpleasant ones like Kirisawa…_

He'd done a lot of thinking on the way back to Japan and he'd decided that it didn't matter if Yohji thought of himself as Suiran or if Yohji remembered him or not or if Yohji had something going on with Kirisawa. What was important was that he, Ran Fujimiya, had found Yohji once again…

That meant he still had a chance to make things right…

To make Yohji his once more…

To be happy again…

Whole…

His eyes softened.

Something he'd thought he'd lost…wasn't as lost as it seemed… He smiled at the thought.

Aya-chan grinned. "I knew it," she said grinning. "Something's changed about you. Like a burden was lifted." 

Ran's eyebrows rose and he smiled at her. "You don't say…" he said teasingly. 

A huge yawn escaped Aya-chan and she covered her mouth as her eyes scrunched up and her mouth opened wide in a yawn. 

Aya smiled. "I just got back a while ago and only started with dinner. It won't be ready for a while. Why don't you go upstairs and get some sleep and I'll wake you when dinner's ready."

"Arigato, niichan." Aya said leaning up on her tiptoes to kiss him on the cheek again.

Aya-chan had already disappeared from the kitchen when Ran remembered that he'd forgotten to tell her about the things he'd bought for her from Paris. Well, she was going to find out on her own anyway…

Sure enough a loud shriek of surprise rang out the entire house. "Oh my gosh! Niichan! Arigato!" 

Aya-chan came bursting into the kitchen hopping up and down excitedly clutching the piece of paper in her hand. "It's autographed! By the whole band! How did you ever manage this?"

"They were in a party Mia and I were supposed to attend."

Aya-chan's eyes were sparkling as she stared down at the autograph of her idols. The band was absolutely wonderful and her friends would just die when they saw this! "I have to call-"

"No Aya-chan. Go upstairs and get some sleep. They'll be plenty of time for that tomorrow or later this evening after you've rested."

"But-"

"No buts. I don't want you making yourself sick."

Aya-chan rolled her eyes, "You know niichan, a little thing like lack of sleep won't kill me…" she began but at the look that crossed her older brother's face, she stopped; realizing that he was reliving the time when she'd been laid down in a hospital in a coma. Aya-chan shut her mouth and sighed giving her brother a comforting hug. "I'm here niichan. I won't die on you…"

Shinkou stiffened at Aya-chan's words as he returned her hug automatically. He was remembering how he had promised Yohji that very same thing. __

Flashback 

"Don't ever die Aya, promise you won't die on me…"

Aya knew that it was a foolish promise to make. In their profession, mortality was something they had to face everyday of their life, every mission they accepted…but Aya was willing to do anything just to quiet Yohji's fears. The blonde was all he had left that was good in their world of darkness. "I won't…I won't die on you. I promise."__

End Flashback 

Looking back on it Shinkou was overwhelmed with conflicting emotions the most prevalent of which was regret. Yohji had loved him so much. Yohji had cried for him. And he had thrown it all away just because he'd been afraid. Afraid of what his sister would say. Afraid of what he'd see in her eyes when she realized her brother wasn't normal. That he was a freak in more ways than one. 

Flashback 

"I can't let my business partners see him! He's a freak with those eyes and his hair! If you weren't a virgin when I took you I swear he's someone else's son!"

"Maybe it would have been better if he was, with you treating him like he was some kind of monster!"

"How dare you!"

A loud resounding slap! The sound reverberated throughout the room and Ran huddled closer to the back of his closet door his purple eyes shutting close as he tried to imagine himself away from this evil place.

"Go ahead! Hit me! Kill me! Damn you! How dare you treat our son this way! You don't have to lock him in the closet!" 

Ran heard the chocked sob in his mother's voice and he pressed his fist against his mouth trying to stifle the sobs that were trying to escape. If his father ever heard him crying…if his father ever saw him crying then there would be hell to pay. Men didn't cry…men didn't feel…emotions were weaknesses. It was bad enough he was born an abomination he wouldn't make himself into one as well.

"He might get out! This deal is very important to me! Maybe if you didn't spend so much on clothes and your wardrobe all the fucking time then I wouldn't have to work so hard to keep you in the style of life that your used to!" 

"How dare you throw that in my face!"

"How dare you give me an abnormal son!"

"He as much your son as he is mine!"

"My bloodline is pure! You can trace is right back to the time of the shoguns! Your bloodlines however…"

"It's not my fault!"

"It's your recessive genes!"

"Fine! If you hate him so much then why don't you just kill him! At least it'll end all this fucking misery!"

Ran whimpered and pulled down some of his clothing from the hangers making a makeshift blanket he could cover himself with. A cover he could hide under.

**End Flashback__**

****

"Niichan…?" Aya-chan asked noticing that her brother's eyes had gone a little glassy. Shinkou snapped out of his reverie and smiled down at her. "I'm fine. Go upstairs and get some sleep okay? I'll wake you when its time for dinner."

Aya-chan looked at her brother for a moment before nodding. "Okay."

"Oh and Aya-chan…"

"Yes?"

"You meant what you said right?"

"About what?"

"That I'll always be your brother no matter what. That you'll always love me."

"Of course niichan! Nothing can ever change that."

Shinkou decided to trust in his sister's words. It gave him the boost of extra courage he needed to go after Yohji. To claim him back but he knew he had to wait first. 

To be patient.

Patience was a virtue…and Ran knew he could wait…

He'd been able to wait for his sister to wake up…

He'd been able to wait for revenge…

And he would be able to wait for Yohji too…

After all…

Good things come to those who wait…

And Yohji was most definitely a good thing…

~*~

A/N: I hope this chapter wasn't a disappointment and since it is kind of short and it's been a long time since I updated this story but I've been busy. To Shae-chan thank you so much again! And I would like to take this opportunity to advertise her wonderful fic, "Take My Memories Away" go on and read it, it is wonderful, I assure you! Please, please review this story, I would like to know if I'm going in the right direction or if you think this story is starting to suck big time and I'm ruining it! Please review neh? Thanks! 

Review please!


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